A Week Late

Jake finally had his last birthday celebration this weekend. Once I get the pictures uploaded, I'll share them, along with all the fun details of his multiple celebrations :)

A funk. That describes what I am stuck in. It may be the fact that, in preparation for IVF this late spring/early summer, my doctor had me go off my antidepressants. I should have told him that I knew a BUNCH of people that were going to deliver their babies in March, and now April, and maybe staying on them might be a good idea. Not a good mix-an infertile and someone off their medication. I am willing to do whatever he wants me to do to increase the successfulness of our next big step in our journey to expand our family. I thought I was doing okay with the number of announcements I had heard within just the last week of March. Then last Tuesday happened. My niece Payton was finally released from Children's Hospital after being there for the past 140 days. Were my tears in the car after school tears of joy? You bet they were. She is the strongest little girl I know. Were they tears of sadness? Yep. It was just a reminder that someone else was bringing home their baby, and I can't make my body get pregnant. It has been extremely difficult having both of my sister-in-laws give birth recently. One has had two kids in the time that we have been trying. Of course I am happy because I have a new niece and nephews to hold and snuggle with. But, it is not fair. This post is, in no way, directed at them. It is me explaining what I have been feeling.

This spring has brought a lot of new babies (announcements and births); from people who entered my life both during college and after. I don't want to "rain on anybody's parade", but if new moms are able to be happy, I am able to be sad, right? Each time I hear someone new announce their pregnancy, or post a picture of their baby in their car seat on the way out of the hospital, it hurts. It makes me not want to do either if we are lucky enough to have another child. I know how it affects people like me. Having being diagnosed with this disease, because that is what it is, has taught me so much. I know what to be sensitive about. It stinks to not have the emotion on the outside match the inside. It stinks to feel guilty that they don't match.

I am ready to stop being sad all the time and am ready to be happy. I am ready for things to go in the right direction for us. I know that some people would say, at least you have one child. You should be happy with that fact. True. And I am. I know now, more than ever, how much a gift Jacob is to us. People can want more though. And I do. The two boys in my life do, too. Please let it be our turn.

Relaxing Day

After running errands most of the week, it was great to spend the day at home. We actually had a real reason to stay in, but that involved Jake's "bathroom" difficulties. Long story-but it is improving. Jake loves to have movie days/movie nights. A perfect day for that. It was really nice out, and I wish we would have spent time outside, but when you gotta go, you gotta go!

I spent the day working on a little project for my nieces and nephews. Once it is finished, pictures will be posted. We did however dye eggs. We tried using vinegar and food coloring this year. It worked pretty well-it was nice to have some different colors to use. Jake was very determined to write each of our names on the eggs. He is starting to use a mix of uppercase and lowercase letters. Getting ready for kindergarten!

Date with Jake

Jake and I went to see The Croods this morning. He was very excited to see this movie. It was a cute one, even though I felt myself nod off a few times. Jake has always loved seeing movies in theaters. He was very sweet and kept telling me how much he loved me and how much fun he had. Just wish he would remember this when I asked him to help clean up the toy room!

Jamie and I, along with two of her friends, went to a Wine and Canvas event tonight. I admit that I was really nervous to paint the painting that was selected for the evening. I am the least artistic person. I tell my students that my stick people look fat. I was proud of how my final product turned out. I loved the fact that it was a take on Starry Night, my favorite painting!

SB Day #2

The second day of spring break flew by. We were able to see Karla, Annika, and the twins. We tried to enjoy Pump it Up, but neither of the big kids were very interested. An eventful lunch cheered them up. A trip to Karla's mom's allowed me to hold both babies :) Jake joined me on another afternoon of errands. Yesterday, while we were out he complained that he had to get in and out of the car too much. We actually had more errands today, but no complaints. He was a very good sport with all the places. He even pushed the cart at one store. My little man!

I found a perfect sign for the kitchen, specifically on top of the cupboards. Joe was not too excited about it. He did not give the "approval". Oh well!

I have been in a crafty mood lately. Here was my first creation of the week. I am pretty proud of myself. Pinterest inspired :)

I have a date with my almost 5 year old tomorrow. Cannot wait!

Spring Break Day 1

I wish I could say we were spending spring break somewhere warm and tropical. Nope, just good ol'Shakopee. My parents, on the other-hand, have just started their 10 vaca in Mexico. I am more than a little jealous! Maybe in 30 years, that will be Joe and me. Until then, here we are. Fortunately, I get to spend my break with this cutie-who is only going to be 4 for 3 more days!

He listens...sometimes

Some of you may know how well my husband listens and pays attention if you are a customer at his work. At home...not so much. I was completely shocked when he came home on Thursday night and surprised me with a present. One may think diamonds, flowers, etc. Nope. A hooded sweatshirt. I was very happy and excited for it, even if it was a sweatshirt. You see, back at the end of January, Joe and I went to a concert in Excelsior that was part of the North American Pond Hockey Tournament. His uncle, along with some friends run this tournament to benefit another friend who died unexpectedly last year. While we were there, all the wives of the tournament owners were wearing these
hooded sweatshirts with hockey laces. While at dinner, we heard there was only one more for sale, and it was a XXL, or something quite like that. Had there been one in my size, I would have for sure bought it. I didn't think anything of the sweatshirt since that night. I will proudly wear this sweatshirt and always remember that my husband does pay attention. Sometimes.

Winter Update

It has been a LOOONG time since I last posted anything.  I wish I could say it was because were so busy with lots of exciting events, but not quite the case.  While there have been some exciting events that have happened with family and friends, not much new with the three of us. 

Over the past few months we have:

• Welcomed the birth of a new niece and nephew.  Payton McKenzie Knutson (Mike and Nikki and big sister Paige) was born November 14th, 2012.  She was born at 25 weeks gestation and has been at the Children's Hospital in Minneapolis since then.  She is has overcome so much in her life and is quite the little fighter.  Here is a like to her CaringBridge site http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/paytonknutson2012.  Tyler John Knutson (Matt and Katie and big sister Hailey and big brother Jordan was born 1/18/13 (just a day away from sharing a birthday with his Uncle Joe!).  We are so excited to have new babies to spoil :)
• Two of our friends (separately) had over the past three months.  Joe and I realized that in our wedding party, there were three people who eventually had twins.  What are the chances??
• Jake has continued to amaze us with all that he has learned at school.  He is a little sponge.  Just today, he was counting his Lego creations, and wrote out a "number chart" to show me that he had constructed (his words) 10 different ones. 
• We have been watching empty lots around us fill up with new houses.  We will have new neighbors directly across the street from us in a few weeks/months.
• Jake started skating lessons and like them, for the most part.  There was one week of tears and one week of sore feet, but lots of practice at getting up from falling down.  He told his Grandma Bien that he is really good at falling now-it doesn't hurt to do so any more.
• We have heard a lot of friends announce their pregnancies, whether it be their first or second, while we are still patiently waiting for our turn.
• We decided to make the HUGE ($$ and emotional) decision to begin IVF.  We are going to begin this new journey with my May cycle, with a hopeful egg retrieval and egg transfer at the end of June.  I plan on writing more as we go through this new journey of IVF. 

Until then...a few pictures from this winter!

Payton 

 Tyler

 Tyler coming home from the hospital

 Kaleb and Kaia Wilke

 Annual tortoise picture at the MN Zoo

 My boys on the monorail

 Mommy's turn