Long time between posts

As I sit here watching Tommy rip off a sign taped to a tub of toys, I cannot believe 11 months (tomorrow) has gone by since this angel entered our lives.  I also know that it has been almost a year since I last posted.  Let's just say this year has been a busy one to say the least.  Here's a little info on what the boys have been up to over the past 11/12 months.

Jacob

• Adjusted well to a new school, new teacher, and new friends
• Worked very hard in school and made great gains
• Played football in the fall-not his favorite sport
• Participated in the MN Wild's Little Wild Learn to Play Hockey Program and loved it
• Played his first year as a Shakopee Mite 1 on the Predators and improved in his skating
• Participated in a week-long hockey camp with his neighbor Kaden and Kaden's cousin 
• Learned how to ride a bike without training wheels
• Spent a lot of time outside in the neighborhood with friends
• Just finishing his first year playing Mighty Mites baseball in Shakopee and had his dad as a coach
• Worked hard to be a great big brother to Thomas

Thomas

• Good sleeper and eater from the start
• Loves to smile
• Very curious
• Makes cute noises and faces
• Army crawled in his own unique way
• Fast crawler
• Walking along furniture
• Working on cutting his 5th tooth-not fun!
• Loves to feed himself
• Enjoys swimming and being in the water-except when it is too cold
• Sneaky...
• Tolerates his helmet that is helping to round out his head (on since mid-April)
• Loves his big brother
• Likes to see his cousin/twin, Parker, and always steals his nuk
• Can be both a Mommy's and Daddy's boy

We had to all say goodbye to Kirby at the beginning of the summer. He had a history of eating things he shouldn't and we knew there was a chance his stomach could flip and surgery would be the only way to fix it, and it could happen over again.  Joe and I were out of town when Kirby went into the vet and we had to make the decision to put him down.  It has been hard on all of us adjusting to a house without a dog.  Jake will have his moments of missing him. At different times I swear I have heard his collar, or toenails walking through the house.  I have caught myself thinking that I need to let him out before I go to bed.  We hope the get a new dog sometime in the near future.

I will post a few recent pictures of the boys from the past few months.

He is here!

We are all over the moon in love with the newest addition to our family.  Thomas Aaron arrived at 1:52 pm on Thursday, August 14th.  He was 7 pounds 10 ounces and 21 inches long.  We are all doing well and adjusting to being a family of 4.  I will post more about his arrival later.

Random Photo Drop

Here are some other photos from this summer!

Jamie, Maren, and Me at Jamie's shower.  We are all due the first half of August.

Tyler enjoying breakfast at the cabin

Jake, Jordan, and Paige playing in the bouncy house

The big boys

Jordan

Jake

Tyler and Jake on the slide

The girls having lunch

The Knutson Family

Jordan...and my belly

Hailey and her braces

Jake

                    Jake at golf

Jake and Kaden asleep after the movie in the park

Zoo visit with the Wilke Family.

Jake at soccer.

Fun at Canterbury!

Jake and I having a picnic and listening to music.  I will miss our little dates!

Jake at mini golf.

Final Months

I am officially 9 months today.  I am ready to be done being pregnant!  This time around was more challenging than with Jacob...from day 1.  I don't want to complain too much, since we wanted this so badly. But, as my brother-in-law said, I can still express my frustrations (he actually used a less friendly term, but trying to use appropriate language!)  Most recently, I have been battling an ear infection and cold that has caused me to be unable to hear.  I have a new appreciation for those that are losing, or have lost, their hearing.  It is so frustrating.  Jake was sick over the 4th, then I came down with what I thought was strep, and then Joe caught it from me, too.  I am hoping to get healthy soon!  The rest of my body is sore, too.  Ribs, back, hips, etc.  I can't believe I taught right up to delivering Jacob!  I can barely move now.  We have been lucky with fairly cool temperatures, but 90 degrees is in the forecast this weekend and next week. Should be interesting!  I have a feeling that this baby will be arriving sooner than later, but that is just an inkling I have been feeling.  We will have to wait and see!

My sister, Jamie, and I had some maternity photos taken at the beginning of June.  Jamie is due 10 days before me.  

My friend, Crystal,  from high school took these photos.  She has taken our family photos in the past.  Highly recommend her!  Photography Unscripted is the name of her company.

End of Kindergarten

It has been a while since I last posted.  We had a busy end to the school year with programs, field trips, new glasses, an ear infection, a new car purchase, the start of baseball, and a big graduation.

Jake finished out his kindergarten year at Richfield STEM School on a high note.  The last month of school was a lot of fun for him.  Unfortunately, he came down with an ear infection after Memorial Day weekend and had to miss a few days of school and the field trip to the MN Zoo :(  He was okay with that, since we had just been to the zoo and he had a week long camp later in June.  He also loved showing off his new glasses that he wears in the classroom.  He had a blast with his friends and his teacher. Joe and Grandma Knutson were able to see his kindergarten concert and Grandma Knutson and I were able to see him graduate.  He is changing schools, districts actually, next year, so the end of the year was somewhat hard on both of us (probably me more!). He realized that he wouldn't see all his friends again next year and that hit him.  He had to say goodbye to a lot of people at his school that he has known the past two years through Fun Club.  He knows that he will see some of those people at the pool this summer, which made it easier for him, too.  His kindergarten teacher is a good friend of mine and we know we will see her a lot.  She is having a baby, in November, which Jake was very excited to hear.  I had a hard time the last day dropping off and picking him up from school.  I have been driving him with me to work since he was 5 months old.  Joe reminded me that I get to do it again, which also hit me.  For so long, I never thought I would have a chance to have another child to take to daycare, school, etc.  Being pregnant and dealing with these milestones sent my emotions in a crazy roller coaster.
We are very proud of our kindergarten graduate!

Jake started baseball at the end of May. He is having a blast.  It is coach-pitch, and Joe is one of his coaches.  Our neighbor, Kaden is also on his team, and his Dad, Aaron is the other coach.  It is fun to see this group of boys and girls working together and having fun. Jake is also in soccer two days a week and golf on Fridays.  He seems to like all three sports and hasn't said which is his favorite.  I am liking watching the smile on his face while being active in all three.

We are a minivan driving family.  We sold my Jeep and purchased a Town and Country.  It has come in very handy already with multiple trips to the soccer and baseball fields with the neighbors and a trip up north over this last weekend.  I love the room it has inside, which will come in handy in a few short weeks!

Jacob and Mrs. Sellmeyer

Jacob and Grandma Knutson

Jacob and Mom

Our Kindergarten Graduate (sporting his glasses!)

We Are Having a...

Healthy, baby, BOY!

We have actually known for over a month, but yesterday we had our Level 2 Anatomy ultrasound.  We saw the proof that the blood test in February was accurate.  This time around, I was able to select a different option for my first trimester screening that allowed to test for gender.  The perks of being older :) We knew right away that we were going to find out the gender, and I was excited to find out over a month earlier than expected.  We told our family and a few close friends.  Jacob has known, so that means even more people know!  You cannot expected an over-excited 5 3/4 year old to keep that secret in.

Everything the tech and doctor were looking at yesterday looked good.  Baby was cooperating for the most part, but I did have to change positions towards the end, so they could see where the umbilical cord was entering and exiting.  He likes to keep his hands up by his face, just like his big brother.  Jake likes to look at the picture where it appears the baby has a thumb (or finger) in his mouth.  It reminded Jake of a few pictures of himself when he was a little baby and did suck his thumb.  He has since grown out of that, so it was a fun memory for him to think of.

This past weekend, both Jake and Joe were able to feel the baby kick.  I have been able to feel him for a little over a week.  Jake has been talking and reading to the baby a lot and wishes he would be born on March 29th, so they would share a birthday.  He is so excited to be a big brother.  It will be a long summer of waiting, but well worth it!

Our Story

I was testing out a program I will be using at school, called Animoto.  Here is my first creation.

A Long Time...

We were and then we weren't...

It has been a roller coaster of a week.  We started off last week on a high of celebrating our 7th anniversary.  We normally don't do much to celebrate, but this year we did go out for dinner at restaurant that was new to us.  It was nice to get out and spend time together. We were also celebrating the fact that for this first time in 4 years we had positive pregnancy tests.  Several to be exact and a blood test to prove it.

And then Thursday happened.  I went in for a repeat blood test and we found out that my pregnancy hormone did not double in 48 hours like it should have.  It could mean one of two things.  It was just a slow growing embryo that would take off soon, or it was going to be a pregnancy that wouldn't be viable and I would miscarry early-on.  I would have to wait until the next Monday to have another blood test to see what changed.

Fast forward to Monday.  My levels dropped by 70.  I was miscarrying.  I knew it was the case based on my symptoms over the weekend.  The fact that I have gone through this before gave me an indication of what the results were going to be.  I go in tomorrow to see how much the level has dropped.  It needs to get to 0 before we can proceed with anything further.  We may wait until winter to do a frozen cycle.  There isn't enough time before I go back to work to start anything now.

It was hard at the end of last week.  I couldn't believe how over the course of three days I went from being excitedly pregnant to the extreme opposite.  It was also a long weekend waiting until Monday to hear officially what was going on.  

A positive was that I did get pregnant after three years of fertility treatments.  It doesn't make it easier to know that I have  become pregnant three times, but have only brought one baby home.

1dp5dt

I'm one day past a five day transfer.  There are so many new acronyms that I have learned throughout this journey.  Yesterday morning, we transferred two blastocysts.  One was graded a 1 (the highest quality) and the other was graded a 2.  My doctor gave us a picture of both embryos.  It is surreal to think they are inside of me now.  The procedure itself was quick and painless.  They had me stay on the exam table for ten minutes right after the procedure before they moved us into the same recovery room that I was in on Tuesday.  It was emotional those first ten minutes.  I couldn't believe that we were at that place in our journey to expand our family.  

Now we are playing the waiting game.  I go in for my pregnancy test a week from tomorrow. I'm laying low the next two days.  Thankfully our parents are both able to help take care of Jake.  Lots of DVD watching and maybe some reading, too.  I did get a call this morning to let us know the remaining 5 embryos reached the blastocyst stage and are able to be frozen.  That was good news to hear.  

Transfer Day Is Here

I received the call this morning that 7 embryos are continuing to grow.  They will look at them again tomorrow and determine how many are still growing and transfer the best two.  If there are any remaining, we hope to freeze them.  The transfer is at 10:15 tomorrow morning.

Hoping for good news in the morning!

Retrieval Complete

Yesterday morning we went in for our retrieval.  They were able to get 16 eggs.  My doctor was pleased with that number.  He said it was above average.  We now have to wait until tomorrow to hear from the embryologist to hear how many fertilized and how many continue to develop.

The procedure itself was very easy.  The nurse I had and the anesthesiologist were great.  They were very friendly and took great care of me.  My doctor happened to be on the schedule to perform retrievals and transfers this week.  It was nice to take a short nap through it all.  The last thing I remembered was having the nose cannula (which made me think of my niece Payton) put in and then I was in recovery waking up.  We stayed there for about 30 minutes.  They gave me a pain medicine through my IV and once that kicked in, I was feeling much better.  So thirsty and hungry.  

I was able to join Jamie, Tim, Matt, Katie, and three of their friends for the OAR concert last night.  Thank you to my sister who was my chauffeur!  I was tired after standing up the whole time.  Jacob and I stayed around the house today and watched movies.  I am a little sore and dealing with issues from coming off the anesthesia.  Although it was gorgeous outside, it was what my body needed.  I was pretty tired, too.  There will be other sunny days.  At least I hope there will be.

Hoping for good results tomorrow!

Retrieval is Tomorrow (Tuesday)

It is crazy to think that by this time tomorrow morning, my eggs will have been retrieved.  I went in yesterday morning for another ultrasound and blood draw.  The nurse who was in the room said I was on the fence between doing my trigger shot Sunday night or continuing my stimulation shots one more day and returning back on Monday morning for another check-up.  The nurse told me that I would be more tired and sore because my ovaries were quite large.  I could already tell this was the case, as I was falling asleep on the couch Saturday night around 7 and felt uncomfortable.  She told me to take it easy and lay down as much as possible.  Joe and I decided it would be a great day to take Jake to see Monsters University. The nurse called me shortly before we were leaving for the movie to tell me that my doctor wanted me to trigger Sunday night and then come in Tuesday morning at 8:30 for a 9:30 retrieval.  We quickly figured out plans for Jake that morning and that evening, as Joe would have to switch his hours and I have plans to go to a concert if I am feeling up to it.  We all thought the movie was a good one.  Jake was so excited and laughed so loudly in his cute high-pitched laugh throughout the entire film.  He loves going to movies, especially 3D ones!   At 9:30 p.m., Joe had to give me the shot because it was an intramuscular shot.  All of the other shots I gave to myself were subcutaneous.  I think I was more nervous for this shot because I was not the one in control.  He had watched the video and was in the room when the nurse went through how to administer it, so he did know what he was doing.  It wasn't as bad as I was expecting. He did a good job!

If everything goes as planned, Joe will drive me home from the clinic tomorrow and Jake and I will hang out for the afternoon and then I will drop him off with Joe's stepdad and I will go with my sister, brother-in-law, brother, and sister-in-law to the OAR concert.  I know that I may be in some pain, but I really want to be able to see them in concert.  The transfer should take place Sunday morning, provided that we have more than 2 embryos that survive for 5 days.  We will receive phone calls throughout the week to let us know how the embryos are doing.  I am trying to stay positive that we will have several that survive and that we can freeze some and transfer 2.  Monday and Tuesday next week will be bed rest for me (Jake will spend time with grandparents and at a zoo class since Joe cannot take time off) and then Jake and I will head to St. Cloud for the 4th.  Joe has to work on the 5th and 6th.  We are sad he cannot come with us.  Jake will have a blast playing with his cousins on the lake! 

Crossing my fingers for lots of eggs tomorrow!

Slight Panic

Today was not my brightest of days.  As I was mixing my shots this morning, I accidentally put the medicine into the wrong bottle (put it back into the diluent) and wasted an entire vial of one drug that is quite pricey.  I found out that I could have actually used the vial with the extra diluent, but I had already tossed it into my Sharps container.  I don't know if you can even get those containers open, and if I did, would I be able to determine which vial had the extra medicine?  I compared my frustration to when I was breastfeeding Jacob and I would spill some of it out of the bottle.  It is like liquid gold.  You don't want to waste any of it.  To make matters worse, when I had refilled my prescription yesterday, they were only able to find 3 vials, and I had just wasted one.  Thankfully, they were able to courier the remaining vials today and I was able to pick them up when I was out at my appointment.  As it turns out, my doctor is decreasing my dosage, so I probably don't need all the refills I filled.  You just never know and you can't wait until the last minute to fill a prescription, because as I have learned on a few occasions, fertility medication can be hard to come by.  There was also an issue with how much I had been charged for one of my prescriptions yesterday.  A month ago, it was $174 cheaper!  That was a huge red flag for me.  I called my insurance company and they did some digging around and called back to say there was an error and the pharmacy owes me money.  I am waiting to hear back from the pharmacy to find out when I can pick up the refund.  I have been fortunate in that I found a local pharmacy that has been very helpful over the past year with filling my prescriptions.  They are now starting to recognize me when I walk in.  I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing...  I had also lost the token to get out of the parking ramp at my clinic somewhere in my car.  Thankfully, I had an extra one from weeks back when they were repairing the parking entrance.  I would have looked like a fool going back in to ask for another token.  My brain is not working so well today!

At my appointment today, I found that everything has been growing just as it should.  Estrogen levels are up, lining is good, and follicles are increasing in size.  My doctor was concerned with how high my estrogen level was today, which is why he decreased the medicine.  I understand it to mean that he doesn't want them to grow too large too quickly.  I go in on Saturday and we will see what they decide.  We have to leave the house early to drop Jake off at Joe's mom's house, which neither of us will be too excited about.  I owe a big thank you to our families who have been able to watch Jake as I am at appointments.  Jake even went to Joe's work on Tuesday and kept himself entertained watching a movie while Joe was at work.  Going through fertility treatments when you have another child has some challenges.  For obvious reasons, the clinic prefers you to not bring children to appointments.  Since we began this journey almost three years ago, Jake has only been to one appointment and that was very early on.  We have been very lucky to have the support of our families. 

Growing

I went in today for a ultrasound and blood work.  My medication is working at a typical rate.  They said they would call today if they wanted me to increase the dosages.  Since I did not hear from them, I will take it as a sign that my estradiol was at an better number than on Sunday, which is why they increased both medications.  I am feeling a bit more full and continue having headaches.  Other than that, I have been feeling fine.  I am bruising more on my stomach.  With three injections a day, it is hard to find a new site, which is probably why it is hurting more.  I would think it would hurt less the more I give myself them, but what do I know.  Jake and I went to visit a friend and her IVF miracles today.  Such an inspiration.  They are little cuties, too!

We'll see what growth Thursday brings...

Stimulation Underway

Today marks the first day of stimulations.  I am on 75 units of Menopur and 225 units of Follistim.  I have been on both medications before, just not at the same time.  I am still Lupron, which I have been on since June 4th, but I have decreased the dosage from 20 to 5 units.  I give myself the Lupron and Menopur shots in the morning and the Follistim at dinner time.  Since I started the Lupron while I was still working, I woke up at 5 to do the injection.  I didn't think that one all the way through, because now on summer vacation, I am still getting up around 5.  Oh well.  So far, the injections have been going pretty well.  I have learned that my skin has a reaction to the Lupron.  For the first 20 minutes, my injection site looks and feels like a little insect bite.  The nurses assured me that as long as it goes away, it is nothing to be concerned about.  The one side effect I have had is headaches.  I have always been a person that has headaches and can learn to deal with them.  This time around, they seem to be worse and all that I can take is extra strength Tylenol.  Yeah, that does nothing to help me!  It is like offering a cup of decaf coffee to someone who needs a nice, warm cup of fully-caffeinated coffee.  I dealt with this at different points during my pregnancy, so I know that I can do it.  They are still a pain.  I am hoping that is all the side effects I get, but am prepared for more.  I go in for a blood draw Sunday morning and then ultrasounds and more blood draws at least two days next week to see how my body is responding to the medication.  I am hoping my follicles grow nice and big, just not too fast.  

Thankfully, we have been busy this week and will be busy next week, too.  I am trying to not let myself worry or think about all the negative "what-ifs".  This is not an easy task for me, the worrier.

Poor Jacob had his 5 year shots today, three to be exact.  He did the best he could to stay tough.  There were lots of tears and screams in the little room we were in.  The last time he had shots was a while ago and he is at the age now that he knows exactly what is going on and the pain they bring.  We stopped at Redbox and rented a few movies and took a nice long nap after his appointment.  He was up and ready to go to a teammate from his soccer team's birthday party at an place with inflatable slides and jumpers.  I was worried that he would be complaining of sore legs, but he had a good time and made friends with a little girl named Laura.  He is quite the charmer with the ladies :)

Medicine Has Arrived

I start my first set of shots tomorrow, Lupron, which basically turns my system off.  I have to give this shot in the morning for the next ten days before I add two other shots at night to start stimulating the ovaries.  Here is a picture of my medication.  I have moved up in the world and now have a Sharps container. Oh the little things😀

IVF #1 Underway

We have officially began the process of IVF.  Joe and I have both gone in for blood work and each had different tests done to make sure that everything is working the way it should.  Everything looks good for both of us.  We go in next Wednesday for our nurse consult to learn about the medication I will be one and to make our payment.  Ouch!  I started birth control pills on Monday.  It feels odd to be on them again.  I will be on them until June 7th.  I will go through the first three weeks of one pack, skip the sugar pills, and start the first week of pills for the second pack.  Being on these pills allows for my doctor to be in control of my system.  There will be some overlap between the BCP and other medication, but I will learn more about that later this week.  I have heard that some women have side effects with these pills, but so far, I have only noticed soreness in my chest.

I hope to know more information about everything on Wednesday. 

Jake's 5th Birthday-Adventure Peak and Space Aliens

A Week Late

Jake finally had his last birthday celebration this weekend. Once I get the pictures uploaded, I'll share them, along with all the fun details of his multiple celebrations :)

A funk. That describes what I am stuck in. It may be the fact that, in preparation for IVF this late spring/early summer, my doctor had me go off my antidepressants. I should have told him that I knew a BUNCH of people that were going to deliver their babies in March, and now April, and maybe staying on them might be a good idea. Not a good mix-an infertile and someone off their medication. I am willing to do whatever he wants me to do to increase the successfulness of our next big step in our journey to expand our family. I thought I was doing okay with the number of announcements I had heard within just the last week of March. Then last Tuesday happened. My niece Payton was finally released from Children's Hospital after being there for the past 140 days. Were my tears in the car after school tears of joy? You bet they were. She is the strongest little girl I know. Were they tears of sadness? Yep. It was just a reminder that someone else was bringing home their baby, and I can't make my body get pregnant. It has been extremely difficult having both of my sister-in-laws give birth recently. One has had two kids in the time that we have been trying. Of course I am happy because I have a new niece and nephews to hold and snuggle with. But, it is not fair. This post is, in no way, directed at them. It is me explaining what I have been feeling.

This spring has brought a lot of new babies (announcements and births); from people who entered my life both during college and after. I don't want to "rain on anybody's parade", but if new moms are able to be happy, I am able to be sad, right? Each time I hear someone new announce their pregnancy, or post a picture of their baby in their car seat on the way out of the hospital, it hurts. It makes me not want to do either if we are lucky enough to have another child. I know how it affects people like me. Having being diagnosed with this disease, because that is what it is, has taught me so much. I know what to be sensitive about. It stinks to not have the emotion on the outside match the inside. It stinks to feel guilty that they don't match.

I am ready to stop being sad all the time and am ready to be happy. I am ready for things to go in the right direction for us. I know that some people would say, at least you have one child. You should be happy with that fact. True. And I am. I know now, more than ever, how much a gift Jacob is to us. People can want more though. And I do. The two boys in my life do, too. Please let it be our turn.