What I Have Been Meaning to Write

My Dad keeps bugging me about not updating our blog. I have had good intentions, but just did not know how to say exactly what has been going on in our lives and in my mind. Here goes!

TTC. Three letters that have been consuming our lives the past few months. Actually since the summer 0f 2009. Trying to Conceive. We have been desperately trying to have a second child for almost two years. It has been the most stressful time of my life. We had no difficulties getting pregnant with Jake. It took no time at all. We also got pregnant in the end of April 2010, but I miscarried at the end of May. Since then, there has been nothing but frustration and disappointment. My OB, whom I love and just want to help me through another pregnancy, started us on Clomid, to help stimulate ovulation. He thought that was maybe the issue. After several months of this, it was not helping. He suggested seeing a fertility specialist. I was sent to a clinic in Minneapolis, close to Abbott Northwestern Hospital. Kind of a scary area, but used to driving down Lake Street to Chicago Avenue now. This clinic was one that my friend, who had been TTC for years, found success at. After meeting with my doctor, he thought that since I had technically got pregnant two times, he did not think there needed to be further testing (beyond what my OB did, which showed no concerns) done. The plan was for me to go back onto Clomid, then use Ovidrel to trigger ovulation, and finally have an IUI done. Our first IUI was in February, right around my conference time. Not the best time to be going into the doctor and having to miss school, but we cannot be picky with timing now. I was trying to be really optimistic, until I started to show signs of getting my period again. Joe was out of town when I was showing signs, so I was left to deal with it on my own. Not a fun experience. I went in for a blood test and it resulted in a BFN (big fat negative-another acronym I have learned). We decided to take the month of March off because we went to Mexico with Joe's work right around the time I would have had to be seen multiple days in a row at the clinic. April was our next round. We had two IUIs done, back-to-back, in order to increase our chances. Again, at the end of my 2ww (two week wait), I started to show signs of getting my period. I went in and had a test done, and it was a BFN. I did not realize that the light flow I had before my test was the real thing, which then screwed up trying for another round in May. I am currently in my 2ww for our June 1st and 2nd IUI. I go in for my test Tuesday morning. I am showing signs again of getting my period, so I am not feeling too good about getting a BFP (big fat positive). Again, Joe is out of town, so I am trying to deal with my feelings on my own. We have a meeting set up with my doctor in the middle of June to discuss the next course of action, provided that things don't work for this round.

As if all this disappointment wasn't hard enough, two of our friends just found out they are pregnant. One with their first, and one with their second. I have had a really hard time dealing with this and have not really wanted to spend time with these friends. I am happy for them, deep down inside, but I think I am more jealous than happy. I have never wanted something so bad in my life, and now the two of them have what I want. It will take some time for me to feel up to spending time with either of them.

All I want is for Jake to have a brother or sister. I want him to have someone to spend time with, play with, take care of, enjoy spending time with as he gets older. Joe and I are both lucky that we each have siblings we are close to. I don't want Jake to be an only child.

Throughout all of this, all I hear and read, is to not be stressed. That is so easier said than done. Of course I am stressed. How could someone not possibly be stressed? I stress about not stressing. For someone who needs to be in control, this uncontrollable situation is so hard to go through.

I am hoping to be able to share good news in the future about this whole TTC thing. Keep thinking positive thoughts for us, because at times, it is hard for us to stay positive on our own.

Jake's Language

Jake is quite the chatterbox. I know where he gets it from. Just ask Joe. He has some interesting words and phrases that he uses and thinks are correct. I cannot help but smile when I hear him say them. I cannot wait to tell him about these when he gets older.

• Minja Turtle-After several attempts at helping him sound out the 'n', we have given up for now on the correct way of saying Ninja. He will ask if he can watch "Minja Turtles", or wear his "minja thing"-a headband of mine that he thinks makes him look like one of the turtles.
• Team Rex-This is T-Rex. I am not sure where the confusion started here, but he is consistent with it.
• Pinyaya-Pinata. He has said it correctly a few times, but defaults to pinyaya.
• Upaslidedown-Upside down. He shared this word with people at his birthday party when he opened a present that made cars go "upaslide down". This is probably my most favorite saying of all.

I know I am forgetting a few, but someone just said he needs something "bouncy". Makes me a little nervous as to why...

3 Years Ago Today

We became parents...and life has not been the same since. I cannot believe that three years have gone by already. He makes us laugh everyday with the funny way he says things, the goofy things he does, and the smiles he gives us. Even on the days where he is grumpy, growly, and a tad over-dramatic, we love him more and more.

We have had a fun couple of days celebrating his birthday. We have one trip to Chuck E. Cheese tonight and then I will post pictures and write about everything.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Jake!

<3 We Love you <3

The Westing Game

I have not wrote much about the school year because I have been trying to leave work at school and not drag it into the house. Not always easy, but a definite improvement since my first year in 6th grade. We have been reading The Westing Game in my Language Arts's classes. I put off reading it in the past because of its complex plot, but since I have the GT cluster this year, I thought I would give it a go. It has been so much fun reading this with the students. I am surprised that I had not read the book when I was in school. I actually don't really remember hearing much about it until a few years ago. We started the book at the beginning of March and usually read two chapters a day. We are five chapters away from the ending, and we are now on spring break. I thought the kids were going to revolt when I told them we would finish it after break. So many of them just want to find out how it ends. A few students, who have checked out their own copies of the book, said they would try their best to not read it while on break...but they could not promise. I have to admit that I stayed a bit later after school yesterday to finish the book. I read it last summer, but it is such a confusing plot that I forgot how it ended. What I have enjoyed the most is hearing the students talk about the book. They have made some really insightful comments about characters, events, and even the author. It is always my goal to have the students really "talk" about what they are reading, at a deeper level. I cannot wait to see what they think when we reach the last page. A few of them have part of the mystery figured out, but they are going to be shocked!

If you have never read this book, I highly recommend it!

Playing with the Big Boys

Jake and Joe just left this morning to head out to western Minnesota with my dad and brothers. They are staying at the "Farm". It is hunting land that my dad and some friends own. There is always a dinner out there the weekend of Jake's birthday (Ducks Unlimited? Pheasants Forever?) This was actually the place my dad was when Jake was born. He has the strange knack to be out of town when his grandchildren are born! Anyways, this year is Jake's big year to play with the big boys. It was a little sad to say good bye and watch him drive away in Joe's truck. I know he will have a blast with them, so that made it much easier! When he gets back into town tomorrow, we are having Jake's 3rd birthday party with our families. It is a Spiderman birthday. I cannot wait to see the smile on his face when he sees all the decorations!

We are hoping that Jake loves being at the "Farm" so much and wants to go back in the fall. The rule is, no diapers at the "Farm". My brother, Matt, became potty-trained because of this. He wanted to go there with my dad. I am hoping this inspires Jake, too. If not, I really don't know when this kid is going to get out of diapers!

Mexican Vacation

View of the pool and hotel
Dinner on the last night

Just one of the beautiful sunsets

Relaxing with the hubs

Joe and I were just in Ixtapa for four days last week. It was AMAZING! The weather was hot, the pool and ocean were refreshing, the food tasty, and the company entertaining. It has been a long, crazy, and stressful year for both Joe and me, so having a vacation was really what we needed.

Joe's uncle (who runs the company he works for) took 5 other employees and their wives to a beautiful resort Barcelo, in Ixtapa. We left on a Thursday and came back on Sunday. The best part of it all was only having set dinner plans. The rest of the days were unplanned, which was perfect. Some highlights of the trip:

• I finished one book and started a new one (finished Sarah's Key and started The Help)
• Lounging all day in beach chairs by the ocean and the pool
• Eating at an Italian restaurant in the marina on the docks
• Having to evacuate the beach due to the Tsunami that was a result of the earthquake in Japan
• Sun burns!
• Not being awakened by a toddler, or a by a dog
• Sleeping with the patio door open and hearing the waves crash
• Fruity drinks
• Getting to know the resort employees
• Getting to know the others on the trip
• Food poisoning (Joe and another woman in the group)
• A round of golf in the heat
• No Internet/phone connections
• Eating at a restaurant on the cliff and seeing the waves crash on the rocks
• Using a little bit of my Spanish
  

The only bad thing about the trip is that it was so short! It was our first trip, together, away from Jake. We both missed him a lot. He enjoyed his time with Grandma and Papa Knutson and was waiting at their door when we pulled up the driveway. I hope to return there some day!