This 2ww has me feeling lots of different emotions. I guess it is making the days go by faster with all these thoughts in my head. Here are just a few...in no particular order!
•Worried-the timing of this IUI was off due to the holidays and I am concerned that things will not work because of it.
•Guilt-I recently found out that a very close friend of mine and her husband went through, and are continuing to go, through things that are worse than infertility. I felt bad complaining to her when we talked this week once I heard what she had going on in her life.
•Frustration-People around us seem to continue to get pregnant and we can't. A cousin of Joe's just announced their second pregnancy. I thought I heard something about it on Thanksgiving, but I did not care to find out if it was true. Their first was born after Jake. It is just not fair. To be honest, I have not congratulated them, and don't know when I will. I won't be seeing them for a few months. Like I have said before, infertility brings out a side of you that is so bitter. Is it right? Wrong? Should anyone be able to judge my decisions? I don't really care, I guess.
•Confused-Do we stop our journey if this cycle doesn't work? Should we get a second opinion and ask for more testing? I wish I knew the answers.
•Sadness-Jake keeps telling me he wants a little brother and sister. He told me I had them in my tummy. Oh, the innocence of a 3 year old. I want to give him that so much.
•Hope-hoping for a positive! Plain and simple. I packed away some toddler toys this week that Jake doesn't play with anymore, but maybe some child in the future will. Hoping the little twinges and cramps are a good sign and the spotting I have been have on occasion is nothing bad.
It is a good thing I am on break. I wouldn't be able to teach very well with all this on my mind.
Good night!
No comments:
Post a Comment