Fall Update

Most have my posts have been infertility related.  We have been busy with other things, too.  Here is a quick update with photos from October and November.

The ladies in my neighborhood were all cats at Sarah's Halloween Party

Brady and Jake at the end of Trick-or-Treating

Neither one of them wanted to smile

Playing at our Halloween Party.  They ditched their costumes before I could get a picture of Spongebob and Raphael

Jamie and Me at our party

Jake having a snack at his preschool open house

Circle Time

Singing songs for the parents

Pumpkin Song

Waiting to start

So happy that Mom. Grandma, and Papa Knutson could come watch :)

Jake and my cousin's boys playing Lightsabers on cell phones.  The wonders of technology!

Mid dual

Another cousin's peanut~August

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not This Time

I have been putting off updating the results of our pregnancy test last week.  It was a negative.  I had been catching myself thinking "What if it did work..." thoughts the night before the test.  I was mad at myself for doing that. 

It was a rough Tuesday, as I was at a workshop when I received the news.  There were no less than 4 pregnant teachers going through the training with me.  Of course I had to work as a partner with two of them at one point  in the afternoon.  I did feel better Wednesday after I had several good cries.  Jake was really worried when I was on the phone with my sister and started crying.  He was so sweet when he hugged me and told me not to be so sad.  I wish I could, buddy.

We are taking this next cycle off and then will decide what to do next. 

When is Enough Just Enough?

I started to ask myself that question yesterday.  I had some more spotting yesterday that was making me think that this cycle was not successful.  I still have to wait to get the official news Tuesday afternoon.  I began wondering when will I know, and be okay with, the fact that we may not be able to have more kids.  Last night, I seemed to be okay with the possibility of not having another child.  I told Joe this feeling may change in a few hours, days, weeks, months, etc.  I began to think of all the things we could be doing as a family if we weren't constantly wondering if this is "the month".  I am sick of the medication and how it is affecting my body.  I am tired of having to take time off from work for 30 minute appoinments.  We both agreed that no matter what happens, we are lucky with the fact that we do have this amazing little boy who puts smiles on our faces daily.

Joe would like me to get a second opinion from a doctor at a different clinic before we "throw in the towel".  The clinic I am going to now is the one of the best and most-known in this area.  I am going to talk to my OB, whom I love and respect, to see if he has any other recommendations for a second opinion.  I would also like to see if another set of eyes would be able to figure out what is going on with my body and why it was so easy the first time and has since become nearly impossible.  I really wish someone would tell me, "Laura, the problem is....  It doesn't look like it will ever happen."  I would be able to better accept things if I hear that.  I am not saying it would be easy to accept that news, but it is better than hearing, "I don't know why you are not pregnant.  On paper, you should be." 

I wish someone could tell me when I will know that "enough is enough".

Cautiously Optimistic

This a concept that I believe anyone who is TTC tries to stick to. You hope and hope for success with each cycle, but at the same time you cannot get too excited and have your dreams broken. This is how I would describe myself in this TWW.

I have been trying really hard to remain positive and at the same time, not think too much about things. I guess I can thank the craziness of school and the end of the first quarter for this. I don't know if it is school, or the progesterone, that is keeping me exhausted. I usually fall asleep before I can finish listening to my Circle and Bloom relaxation exercises. I have been having a pretty normal TWW, but had a little spotting that concerned me. I called my RE, and they couldn't say exactly what could have caused it and I would need to wait until my beta test to see if the IUI worked or not. I go Monday afternoon, so a few more days to wait.

Again, still trying to remain cautiously optimistic thus weekend.